Butterflies part 55
by Kksaunt1
Summary: A little anxiety


Elizabeth sat up, gasping for breath. "Honey? What's wrong? Are you ok?"

"Yes, I'll be right back." She put her robe on and walked into the living room to sit on the couch. It was freezing in the living room. It was spring, but still pretty cold at night. She pulled the blanket around herself and closed her eyes.

'Elizabeth? You're going to freeze out here. Come back to bed."

"I'm scared Jack."

"Of what?" He sat down next to her and pulled her into his arms. She looked down and rubbed her tummy.

"Are you feeling ok? You're not in pain?"

"No, Sweetheart. I'm not in pain."

"What are you scared of?"

"I'm at the exact same point in my pregnancy when I miscarried. I feel like I look the same, I feel the same. Everything is the same, Jack. I'm so scared it's going to happen again."

"Elizabeth, I can't promise you it won't happen, but I'm here with you." She wrapped her arms around him and pulled tight. "Honey, let's go to bed. You'll be more comfortable." She let him pick her up and take her to bed. He set her down on his side of the bed and crawled over her to her side and wrapped himself around her. "I'm here, Elizabeth."

"After last time, I tried to tell myself not to fall in love with this baby so I wouldn't be hurt if I lost it, but that's impossible. I'm it's Mother and it's my baby. I love it already, so much. My heart will break if something happens." She was getting increasingly agitated and Jack could feel it.

"Elizabeth, you need to stay calm. Trust that this baby will be ok. You are doing everything you can to keep it safe." He could feel her tears on his arm. He hated that she was upset, but he understood her fear.

"What if it's not enough, Jack?"

"Honey, I don't know how to help you. I know how you feel, but we need to have faith that everything will be fine."

She unwrapped his arm from her body and sat up. "I need some tea."

"I can make it for you."

"No, I will do it." She walked out and put the water on the stove. As she sat waiting for the water to boil she felt the baby kicking. It was more than a flutter, but not strong yet, still too small. "Please be safe, baby. Mama loves you so much." Elizabeth drank her tea and fell asleep on the couch.

"Mama? Mama up?" Maddie was standing next to the couch, touching Elizabeth's arm. "Mama?"

Elizabeth opened her eyes. "Hi, sweetie."

"Hold Bug pease." She held her arms out. Elizabeth moved over and let Maddie climb under the covers. "Cold Mama."

"Yes, it is cold. Snuggle with me and you'll get warm."

"Mama! Up! Mama!" Emmy came running in.

"You too, sweet pea? Ok come on." She reached out and grabbed her little hand to pull her up. She quickly covered all three of them and snuggled to stay warm.

Jack came out and started building a fire, warming his hands. He looked at Elizabeth covered completely with a blanket and obviously his two girls snuggling with her. It made him smile. He snuck up and moved the blanket and stuck his head under. "Boo!" Maddie and Emmy squealed and Elizabeth laughed. "Is there room for me under there?"

"Daddy, cold!"

"I know. I started a fire. It will be warm soon." He looked at Elizabeth. "Hey, there you are. I wish you had come back to bed last night."

"I needed to think." Her statement somehow hit Jack the wrong way.

"Alone? What happened to getting through things together? How do we always fight about this?"

"I'm not fighting. You're the one that brought it up."

"You're the one that slept out here instead of in our bed with me."

"You can't help Jack. You can't fix everything." She sat up and wrapped the blanket around her daughters. "Stay with Daddy, girls." She walked off to their room.

"It doesn't help to walk away."

"It doesn't help to stay."

After a tension filled breakfast, Jack went to work and Elizabeth took care of the kids. Two more weeks and Caleb would need to be ready for school. Elizabeth was sure he would be. He was a bright boy. He knew his alphabet and could spell his name. He knew his numbers and basic arithmetic. The only concern was whether he was ready to be away from her all day. Actually, the question was if she was ready to be away from him. She doubted it.

"Earth to Jack….are you listening to me?" Lee was trying to get Jack's attention. Jack was in his own little world. "Jack!" Lee yelled.

"Yes, I'm sorry. What can I do for you?"

"Jack, you asked me to come here. What can I do for you?"

"I did? I mean, yes. I did. I don't remember why though."

"What's bothering you today?"

"Nothing, I'm fine."

"Jack Thornton, I have known you for a couple years now and I consider you to be one of my best friends. I know you, and you are not ok."

Jack stood up and looked out the window. "Last year, Elizabeth had a miscarriage. She was about thirteen weeks along. One night she felt the baby move and was all excited about it and the next day…"

"Wow, Jack. I am so sorry. Is she doing ok?"

"Well, needless to say, the first couple weeks after were extremely difficult to get through, but we did. Ever since then, we had been trying for another child. Finally it happened."

"She's pregnant? That's great!"

"Now, she's at thirteen weeks."

"Oh, and she's scared?"

"Her and me both. Lee, I am at a loss as to how to help her. She is so scared and all I know to do is tell her she'll be fine and to trust that she is doing everything she can to keep the baby safe. It's not enough."

"Did she say that?"

"Not exactly. She got up and left our room and slept on the couch. This morning she said that she needed to think. That statement immediately made me think she was telling me that she didn't need me to help her."

"So you fought."

"Yes."

"Jack it's lunchtime. Go home and see her. Be honest and tell her you're scared too and that you're sorry." He nodded. " Jack? How are you doing after all that happened?"

"I won't lie. For a few weeks, I was in a bad place. We had lost a child. It was hard to imagine anything hurting worse than that. Somehow, we pulled each other through it. Just like every other time something bad happened, we did it together."

"Now, you need to do the same thing."

"I told her I didn't know how to help her. Maybe that made her think I didn't want to? I don't know, but I think I screwed up."

"All the more reason to go home and talk."

"You're right. I'll go now. Thanks Lee!"

Jack ran out of the jail and mounted Sargeant and rode home. When he got there, he pulled the necklace from under his uniform, took the ring off and put it on his finger. Then he slipped the necklace back in its normal place. It was a small gesture but, it meant a lot to him, so hopefully if she noticed, she would feel the same.

He walked in the house and it was quiet. He figured the kids must be sleeping. He went to their rooms and found that to be the case. He went to his and Elizabeth's bedroom and found her sitting in the rocking chair rubbing her tummy.

"Hey," he whispered not wanting to startle her and ruin the moment.

"Jack? Why are you home?" Instead of answering her question, he gently pulled her up from the rocking chair and into the safety of his arms. He kissed her cheek and then her forehead and then their lips found each other. When he pulled back, he stroked her cheek with his thumb.

"I am so sorry. I love you, Elizabeth."

"I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have tried to get through it without you." She noticed part of his necklace was sticking out from behind his uniform so out of habit, she pulled it out to touch the ring and then… "Jack, where's your ring? It's always here."

He held up his left hand. "I have it right where it belongs, Sweetheart." She smiled.

"You look very handsome in your uniform, Hon."

"Thank you. You looked beautiful rubbing your tummy a moment ago. Was the baby kicking?"

"Yeah. Here, it might do it again. It's pretty hard, so you might feel it." She opened her robe and put his hands on her bare skin.

"Planning on getting dressed today, wife? Not that I'm complaining. At all."

"Maybe," she said with a wink. She moved his hands a bit and then they felt it. They both smiled. She took his hand and kissed it. "Can you stay here today? Or just for maybe another hour?" She moved closer and kissed his neck, just above his collar.

"I would love to, believe me, but I have rounds this afternoon and paperwork."

"Aren't you kind of in charge around here, Constable?" She kissed him and pulled him closer. His heart and mind were fighting. His mind said, "You need to go back to work so you can get your things done." His heart said, "An hour is fine. You can stay here and work later." He decided to listen to his heart. He pulled away from Elizabeth for a moment and locked their door.

Jack left a couple hours later to head back to town. He felt like nothing had ever been wrong that morning. Elizabeth seemed happy and less worried and he was at ease.

Elizabeth smiled as she rubbed her tummy. After her time with Jack, she finally felt like everything was going to be fine. Nothing was going to happen to the baby. It was safe and apparently healthy if you could judge by how active it was. She heard the voices of her children in their rooms. At the moment, they had their own rooms. With the new baby, if it was a boy, it would eventually share with Caleb. If it was a girl, she would share with Emmy. When they had guests, they would shuffle things around.

She wrapped her robe around her tummy and tied it and then went to get the girls.

"Hey, Emmy! Did you have a good nap?" She nodded and hugged her Mama's neck. "Let's go get Maddie."

"Buh."

"Bug?" she nodded again and smiled.

"Ok, let's get Bug. Smartie." Once everyone was up, they decided to make cookies.

"Mama, when will Daddy come home?" Caleb was sitting on the counter and stirring as she put ingredients in the bowl.

"Probably after supper. He might be late."

"Ok. Can we go see Aunt Julie and Sophie?"

"Not today, Caleb. Soon though."

Elizabeth needed to write a letter to her parents. She had not told them about her previous pregnancy or miscarriage. She knew she needed to, but felt like she wanted to do it in person. She hoped if she told them about her current pregnancy, they might come visit. They had been here for Julie's wedding but not since and she missed them terribly.

Later Elizabeth made spaghetti for dinner and Jack walked in as she was dishing some out to the kids.

"Hey there," he said as he walked in the room.

"Hey, Sweetheart. I didn't think you would be here so early." He kissed her.

"I'm going to change. I'll be right back."

"Hi, Daddy!" Caleb said.

"Hey buddy, were you good today?"

"Yes."

"That's good."

"Me good Daddy!" Maddie said, not to be left out.

"That's good, Bug." He chuckled. "And you pretty girl? Were you good?" He kissed Emmy's head. She nodded and smiled.

He stood up and winked at Elizabeth. "Were you good today, Honey?"

"You tell me."

"I'm happy with how things turned out." He kissed her cheek. "I'll be right back."

Later on the couch, Elizabeth was leaning back against the arm with her legs on Jack's lap. She was reading the letter Jack brought her from her parents.

"They're coming to visit in a couple weeks. They want to see everyone including Sophie. Oh it's been so long, Jack. I miss them so much."

"I wonder if they will stay here or with Tom and Julie?"

"I don't know. I hope here. Caleb will be so excited."

Elizabeth and Jack decided not to tell him because he wouldn't want to go to school on his first day if he knew they were coming.

"Caleb, are you ready to go?" Jack peeked around the door in Caleb's room.

"Daddy, can't I stay home?"

"No, buddy. You are going to have so much fun. Miss Henry is a really nice teacher. Mama is going to walk you to school and I'm going to pick you up. I will have a surprise for you when I pick you up."

"A surprise? What is it?"

"If I told you it wouldn't be a surprise. Now, it's time to go. Mama's waiting for you."

"Ok, Daddy. I'll see you after school." He hugged him tightly around the neck.

"I love you, buddy."

"I love you too."

"Mama, don't cry. I'll stay home with you." Elizabeth smiled through her tears.

"I'll be fine, baby. You go inside now. I'll see you at home later."

"Ok, Mama." He ran to the bottom of the steps and then came running back to hug her. She hugged him tightly and then let him go. She had to, or she might just pick him up and take him back home with her.

Elizabeth sniffled as she walked home. It was a long walk. She had a lot of time to console herself. She thought about her parents coming later that day and how excited she was to see them. Caleb would be so happy when Jack brought them to pick him up at school.

When she finally got home, she walked in the door and listened for voices. They were on the porch. Jack was reading to the girls and rocking. She didn't want to interrupt so she stayed in the kitchen and made some tea. She could clearly hear them because the door was open.

"Daddy? Budder?"

"Remember, he went to school? Mama walked him there."

"Blocks."

"He will play later when he gets home. I bet Mama will play with you."

"No, budder." She stuck out her lip and pouted.

"Oh, guess what? Grandma Grace and Papa William are coming today!"

"Gamma and Papa? Yay!"

"I know. So you need to be good and don't make a mess after Mama cleans, ok?"

"Ok, Daddy. No mess. "

"Good girl."

Elizabeth sat down with her cup of tea in the kitchen as Jack and the girls walked in.

"Mama! Hi!"

"Hi, Emmy. Were you outside with Daddy?"

"Dada," she confirmed.

"Mama, up."

Elizabeth picked her up and held her close. Jack touched her shoulder.

"You ok?"

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?"

"Oh I don't know." He knelt down next to her and looked at her. "Did you cry?"

"Yes, you know, pregnancy hormones and all."

"Yes."

"And I just sent my baby off to school by himself." She could feel the tears threatening.

"Honey, he isn't by himself. He will be just fine for a few hours. Then your parents and I will pick him up and bring him home to you."

"He is the sweetest boy."

"I know."

"He saw me cry and said, "Mama, don't cry. I'll stay home with you.""

"He loves you so much."

"And I love him."

"I know you do. We are all very lucky to have you, Sweetheart."

"Thank you." He stood up and bent down to kiss her.

"I have to get dressed for work. I'll be back."

"Ok." She snuggled Emmy tighter. Emmy laid her head on Elizabeth's chest and played with the button on her shirt.

"Mama? Up pease?" Elizabeth scooted her chair back and help Maddie climb up on to her lap.

Eventually she had both girls, one on each shoulder. "Mama, no cry, ok?" Maddie reached up and touched her face. "Love Mama." That brought on a whole new set of tears.

"I love you too, Maddie."

Jack walked in a few moments later to say goodbye. "I see you have your arms full."

"Yes, but its wonderful."

"It is." He bent down and kissed her and the girls. "I'll see you in a few hours." Elizabeth nodded.

Jack was waiting outside Abigail's for the stage, but it was late, which was unusual. School was almost out and he didn't want to be late picking Caleb up so he ran over to the school and arrived as the bell rang. He waited at the bottom of the stairs for Caleb to run out. Then he saw him.

"Hi, Daddy!"

"Hey buddy. How was school?"

"It was ok. I don't think the kids like me." Jack found that hard to believe. Caleb made friends with everyone, even people he'd known for five minutes.

"Well, you're new. You just have to give them time. You know Opal and Cody. They are already your friends."

"I know. Hey where's my surprise?"

"Well, it's late. It was supposed to be on the stage but it's not here yet. Let's go wait for it."

"Ok, let's go." He took Jack's hand and skipped down the street, excited for whatever surprise was supposed to be coming soon.

They waited for another hour and then Ned Yost brought a telegram to Jack. "Constable. This is for you. I'm so sorry." Jack's heart dropped. Ned looked entirely too serious and he never apologized for what was in the telegrams.

"What does it say, Daddy?"


End file.
